I recently had a run-in with a cricket. Yes, a cricket! Most of us hear their obnoxious chirping from outside all night long, or see a few hopping off the front porch when we walk outside, but have you ever had a full out battle with a cricket? I have! Here is what happened……
Late Sunday evening as I stumbled home from a long night of hammering back some pints of local brew…ok, I went and had two beers and a few french fries, but I’m trying to be creative. Anyway, I came home Sunday night to find a few crickets on my doorstep. Now as a child I found crickets to be funny little insects. I would trap them in glass jars to keep as pets, although I did always forget to poke them air holes and they would usually pass out from lack of oxygen with in a few hours. Perhaps this was retaliation from all those crickets I murdered as a child.
Ok..I tend to get off track…. I came to my porch and saw a cricket hopping around in the glow of my miserable porch light. Normally I don’t care about insects, but this one seemed extra hyper and jumpy so I decided I needed to remove it from the premises before I opened my door. I feared the cricket might jump into my house and then my dogs would have their way with it and that is no way for a cricket to die. I tried to stomp “near” but not “on” the cricket to scare it away but this did not work, instead it enraged the cricket and it started to jump frantically, which in turn I stomped frantically, not caring if I stomped on the dang thing and killed it. Eventually the cricket vanished. I thought “Victory!”, I have scared it away without harming it and now I can enter my dwelling without the fear of cricket infestation (although I’m pretty sure my house is infested with other things).
I walked in the door, greated by Brodie and a barking Lane. As I walked into the house I felt something behind my knee inside my jeans. Nothing moving, but felt like a lump, like a giant piece of lint was stuck in my pant leg from laundry which I had not noticed before. Perhaps it had been hiding in a seam and had worked it’s way behind my knee and was finally bothering me. I quickly went to remove my pants (commence dirty thought thinking…) and as I removed them I came to find a dead cricket behind my knee! This freaked me out!! My pants were not “loose” at the bottom, nor behind my knee, and I never felt a thing. I wondering how the heck did this mischievous cricket jump up my pant leg and get caught behind my knee to die without me knowing. I quickly threw the dead cricket carcus away, tossed my pants directly into the wash, shook myself from the disgust I felt from having a cricket inside my pants and went on my business. Weird encounter, attack of the cricket, but I had won and I felt good about that.
This is where google comes in. The rest of my sunday evening went fine and I got up Monday morning and retreated to work like the rest of the good IRS-fearing world. About 9AM Monday morning the back of my knee started itchy like crazy. I hiked up my slacks to reveal three tiny puncture wounds and a scratch which were red and like I said before “itchy”. This must have been the cricket. Could he have bitten me before he suffered in death inside my pant leg? Like any good american with internet access I immediate googled “cricket bites”. This did not work, all I got was a lot of pet stores selling crickets as food for snakes and other pets. Try again. “Do Crickets bite or sting”. This was fool proof…ask Google a question, it must respond.
Let me just say I love google, I always get great results, tells me information I didn’t even think I needed to know and can even give me better directions than mapquest, but today google was not my friend. After 2 hours of exhaustive searching and re-searching for any information on crickets and if they bite people all I found was a few blogs and dicussion boards where people eluded to the idea of being bitten by a cricket. The only consistancy I found with these posts and my markings were “three small bites in a row”. Apparently crickets will bite three times in a row if defending themselves.
The moral of this long drawn out, totally stupid and poorly written story is that within 12 hours of being bitten by an enraged cricket who jumped up my pant leg on his own accord and then felt that he needed to defend himself, I got sick. I got the 3 fever of my life, a soar throat to end all soar throats and so stuffed up I couldn’t taste any food or smell dog poo for 3 whole days! This could just be a coincidence, but I’m convinced, the cricket got me sick.
Stay away from crickets, they are deadly!